I'm Sorry.

Such little words, such a big impact on life.

They can make you or break you to pieces.
When someone says:

ie: I'm sorry i hurt you/ I'm sorry i called you that/ I'm sorry i was inconsiderate of you..

OR

I'm sorry, we're just not meant to be together/  I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me..

See, it can make or break you!

But what if you are the one apologising.

Even on a good day it can be hard to do.

I'm not talking about the 'Sorry i rammed my trolley into the back of your legs' at the supermarket type thing.

I mean things that actually matter.

(not that you can get away with ramming your trolley into someone without an apology, that's just rude..)

To humble yourself, put pride & ego aside.. yuck, no one wants to come across as being soft or a pushover but if it's going to be a genuine apology, then get with it.

I had to do this recently.

Le sigh*
I am an embarrassment to myself at times!

You know when you say something that is highly inconsiderate of the person you are saying it to & it's something that could cut them to the bone in an instant?

That was me.

*Ouch, baby, ouch.

I am not stoked about my actions in any way shape or form.

I'm sorry.

...being me (yes, I'm the first to admit I am a bit slow on the uptake, even at the best of times) it only took about 1hr for me to realise I was in fact in the wrong.

Ah crap.
And then you go into that instant meltdown feeling where you have to absolutely fix the problem/apologise before it escalates into something that it should never have been in the first place & you go into overdrive & you feel like the worst person in the history of human LIFE.. yeah. 

But once the penny had dropped- I apologised instantly.
Apology accepted.

And it felt good.

Le Fin.

xox

SICK/TWISTED/MIND

....and that's just the inner workings of me!

So i was emailing a couple of friends earlier in the week & we were discussing how it is often beneficial to keep a diary if you're going through a hard time/good time/rad time/bad time/glad time/sad time etc.

That sort of thing.

Not so much a diary you write in daily.

'Dear diary, today i wanted to sleep in, but noooo, i have to get up for stupid boring school...'

No. *Yawn.

I was talking more of a diary you write in when you needed to get something off your chest. 

Theres' something therapeutic about writing down all your thoughts, feelings, emotions that can help you deal with it.

Whether its something good or bad that's happening in your life.

Personal experience has taught me this.

ie: loves, hates, annoyances, sorrows, secrets (whether they are yours or someone elses!) who you wish you could punch/slap/kick in the face, hilarious experiences you have with your friends, sketches of aforementioned scenarios, even keeping photos in there that no one else should ever see.

Uh Huh. 

In high school I had a diary that I'd write in when things like

that came up.  

It was so good at the time!

Yes yes yes.

You have to absolutely write down every single detail/thought/emotion, no matter how wild/dumb/stupid/hurtful/idiotic/it feels, otherwise it will linger in your brain forEVER & drive you insane!

Get it all out.

Who cares what you say- you are the only person who will

be reading it. 

For some, it's about being ok to let go of something & knowing we've done everything absolutely humanly possible & in our strength to fix it/change it/whatever it.

It's all fine & dandy to believe something but it's another thing to actually accept it for ourselves.

This can take weeks, months or even years.

Physically writing our thoughts down.. can be somewhat soothing.

It's raw & unpretentious.

Its almost like a confession of someone who is vulnerable.

It's you.

...did i get somewhat off track?!

Back to it. 

I'd write about all my crushes & dumb stuff like that.

ie: 'Today walking down the corridor at school, *insert name here* called me 'babe' WOW! I was so stoked, I didn't think

he knew i existed!'

 Blah etc etc blah.

Utterly dumb teenage trash like that.

It was actually quite embarrassing to read years later.

I definitely also wrote about deeper more important things than that. This was purely an example.

As for my high school diary... i ended up burning it in our open fire place one night.

I figured, it was safer to burn the evidence.

..except for those photos i mentioned earlier.. i kept those.

XOX

ps- It was quite exhilarating to burn that!