Friday, June 5, 2015

22 Years~

On this day 22 years ago, my oldest brother was killed.
I was 7 years old & my life changed in that instant.

It was a car accident.
My brother was driving along minding his own business when a drunk driver smashed into him head-on.
My brother was killed instantly & his wife of 4 months, who was passenger in the car, survived but was severely injured.

22 years ago.

It has always & will continue to always feel like a part of me is missing.
Like there is a gaping hole in my heart where he belongs.
As if there's a dark, empty abyss in there which should be full of colourful memories of him.
I feel that if he was still alive, that we would be the best of friends.
As i am with my sister & my other brother.
Being so young when he died, i have practically no memories of him.
All i know of my oldest brother is what other people have shared with me about him- about his personality & their memories of him.
These make him come alive for me & help me learn about who he was.
Throughout my life, so many people who knew my brother have told me how similar we are.
This, for me, is one of the highest compliments someone could ever give me.
It lights me up from the inside out to know that even in a small way, i am similar to him.

The grief never goes away.
But, as always, you move on with life & life moves with you.
Days roll into weeks that roll into months that roll into years.
But that doesn't mean that my brother, or any lost loved ones, are ever forgotten.
No matter how long it has been, they will always live on in our hearts. 

It continues to surprise me when people try to dictate to you their personal opinion of how you should grieve & for how long you should grieve.
How dare someone conjure up their own opinion of your sadness & pain and add that to your existing grief & put a time frame on such a personal aspect of life.
We all grieve in such vastly different ways.
Who are we to judge how someone else grieves or for how long or condemn them when life moves on.
Some lock away grief for years & years, others wear it on their sleeves for the world to see.
For some its short, sharp & emotional. For others its a long, drawn out process.
No matter how you grieve & despite what peoples opinion of said grief may be, the way you do it, is 100% perfect for you. 





















xox


*Note- I'm not writing this to gain your sympathy.
This is purely an outlet for me.