That annoying friend you want to punch in the face

Is there someone in your life that you want to punch in the face every time you see them?
No?
You're not mean like that.
Then why did you instantly think of someone just now who fits that bill?
Ahh yes, that annoying friend you just want to punch in the face.
I know i am definitely that annoying friend at times & very much deserving of a punch.
But so are you!
You know when someone is just annoying the absolute hell out of you?
Whether they are physically getting all up in your grill,
Or teasing you verbally.
And even though you tell them many times to stop & not to do that..
They keep annoying you to the extreme.
More & more. Over & over again.
Pushing & pushing you.
Physically & metaphorically.
They think what they are doing to you is absolutely hilarious!
Laughing in your face, they keep going.
You don't like being in a headlock? Excellent. I'll get you in a headlock then.
So, it continues.
'Stop it! STOP IT!'
They keep pushing you thinking that you're having 'fun.'
'PLEASE STOP.'
You don't listen to me.
You never do.
'PLEASE STOP! This is NOT fun.'
Ofcourse, it continues.
WHAT do you want from me?
A blood nose? Tears? For me to snap?
What is it?
Why don't you do this to anybody else?
Why is it always me?
W H Y ?
***
I'm at the end of my tether.
I'm done. So done.
I'm gone.
A little respect every now & then would be nice thanks, Champ..
***
Reaching your limit, all you want to do is turn around & smack them across the face.
*Snap.

This one time i did inadvertently punch someone in the face.
And then their lip bled because i was wearing a massive silver ring.
Then i felt really bad about it.. kind of.
But they deserved it.

And then sometimes, i think that a punch wouldn't be enough.
Wheres my cricket bat...?
xox

Marry me off. I dare you.

To my single friends:

Do people- friends, relatives, work colleagues- try to marry you off to random strangers?

It happens to me all the time.

For instance, last week a tradesmen came to my work to pick up something.. no, not me, & the lady i work with decided that he was a 'bit of alright' & that i should show some interest in him.

I didn't look twice at the guy.

The lady who made this suggestion is in her 50's.

Why do i suddenly get the feeling she is living, or atleast attempting to live, vicariously through me??

Perhaps it's because over the last few weeks whenever a new guy has come into the office, whether they be a young tradesman or someone signing some paperwork, she gives me the old wink from behind her computer screen & informs me 'Ooh, he seems like a nice young man for you!'

Darling.

What in the world makes you think that 1: i would take you seriously, 2: that i would take you seriously! or 3: that you know what I'm looking for.

Only i hold the key to that.

And i hold that key very close to my heart.

It also might make you wonder when people do this to you that 'hey, wait a minute.. do you think i am not capable of trawling through people to find someone who I actually really want?'

Are you dissing me as a person?!

That's a little extreme & honestly, i don't think that myself.

But do you sometimes think along those lines?

Does my friend/ work colleague think i am not capable of finding someone amazing & in turn making it quite clear that, YES! I am interested in them?

But then, when you do actually like someone, there's those people who tell you 'Oh, you deserve so much better than that person!' or 'You could do so much better than him, you deserve someone amazing!'
(Yes. I too am guilty of verbalising this on rare occasions. Yes I am protective to my friends & loyal.)
Even my boss said to me recently that any 'Prospects' will have to 'get passed him.'
Whats interesting is the people who make these remarks, never actually have a 'better' suggestion. They're purely telling me i 'could do better.'

The most annoying thing is, whenever i have liked a guy, i have always been told that he wasn't good enough for me & that i deserve much better than him.
Every guy I've ever liked, every one of them.

Are you serious? Who's to judge that?
Ahh, scusi' i know that comes from the kindness of your deep, deep heart, but if I'm interested in someone, it's not exactly any of your business.  And, shock horror...

To me, they are an amazing, smart, funny person.
That's why i like them in the first place. SURPRISE!
It's not some huge secret. I'm actually pretty easy to please.
If you wow me with life stories, you make me feel inadequate because of the big words you use (but i am secretly in awe) & you make me laugh, really laugh, from the depths of my soul...
You're in!

xox

ps- Don't get me wrong.. I'm open to any suggestions you may have! Go on, marry me off. I dare you.